Oh the Tragedy!
Why don't I write another blog in a timely fashion?!! Because I'm convinced that no one would read this!
Yes I'm a cynic at heart. And yes, I have no idea who reads this or what repercussions it may have so I should easily dismiss myself. I'm told that the deepest cynic is the greatest idealist. That about describes me...grasping for great things: big love, big ideas, big dreams...everything I invest myself in has to have some sort of GRAND purpose it seems, or I just become bored with it. And when my GRAND ideas run into the wall of everyday circumstance (ie, pragmatism) I get frustrated, give up, retreat into cynicism. Sound familiar anyone? (I know I'm not alone...)
Needless to say, it's these kind of psychological inner workings that impede my progress in making music. Recordings require me to really think hard about what I'm singing, how I'm singing it and getting a good take. I can embed myself in the meticulous craft for a few hours but then I find my inner cynic taking over, wondering "What is the point of what you're doing?"
So really what I'm going through is a continuous cycle of cynicism and rebirth. I've watched this loop take place in my love life, in my work life, in my friendships...it's like an inevitable tragedy that I have to replay. Of course I get wiser with time- I learn from my mistakes--don't make the same pit-falls twice. But the search for BIG DREAMS and big goals is never satisfied. Hence I am reborn. I guess in some fashion it mirrors life and death, creation/destruction, all those grand themes...but there I go again, trying to make HUGE connections from what ultimately amounts to my procrastination.
That being said, I'm half-way through Colored Trees. I hope to post it and all its GRANDEUR soon. It's taken about 2 weeks to get this far and even as I'm recording the vocal, I'm fine-tuning the lyrics. I haven't even written the last line of the song because I'm waiting for it's epic conclusion to strike me somewhere- perhaps out of the blue while riding the subway or in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes the smallest thing done by others can have the greatest impact.
Which I guess is to say, I really appreciate the encouragement and support my friends and family have shown me over the years. You are the spark that ignites the my cycle toward rebirth. While my inner critic can easily tear things down, it's you who helps build back my hope. Thank you for being part of my play, my Tragedy.
Yes I'm a cynic at heart. And yes, I have no idea who reads this or what repercussions it may have so I should easily dismiss myself. I'm told that the deepest cynic is the greatest idealist. That about describes me...grasping for great things: big love, big ideas, big dreams...everything I invest myself in has to have some sort of GRAND purpose it seems, or I just become bored with it. And when my GRAND ideas run into the wall of everyday circumstance (ie, pragmatism) I get frustrated, give up, retreat into cynicism. Sound familiar anyone? (I know I'm not alone...)
Needless to say, it's these kind of psychological inner workings that impede my progress in making music. Recordings require me to really think hard about what I'm singing, how I'm singing it and getting a good take. I can embed myself in the meticulous craft for a few hours but then I find my inner cynic taking over, wondering "What is the point of what you're doing?"
So really what I'm going through is a continuous cycle of cynicism and rebirth. I've watched this loop take place in my love life, in my work life, in my friendships...it's like an inevitable tragedy that I have to replay. Of course I get wiser with time- I learn from my mistakes--don't make the same pit-falls twice. But the search for BIG DREAMS and big goals is never satisfied. Hence I am reborn. I guess in some fashion it mirrors life and death, creation/destruction, all those grand themes...but there I go again, trying to make HUGE connections from what ultimately amounts to my procrastination.
That being said, I'm half-way through Colored Trees. I hope to post it and all its GRANDEUR soon. It's taken about 2 weeks to get this far and even as I'm recording the vocal, I'm fine-tuning the lyrics. I haven't even written the last line of the song because I'm waiting for it's epic conclusion to strike me somewhere- perhaps out of the blue while riding the subway or in the middle of a conversation. Sometimes the smallest thing done by others can have the greatest impact.
Which I guess is to say, I really appreciate the encouragement and support my friends and family have shown me over the years. You are the spark that ignites the my cycle toward rebirth. While my inner critic can easily tear things down, it's you who helps build back my hope. Thank you for being part of my play, my Tragedy.
dd.... we are all works in progress. Full of flaws and working out our own inner demons.... this is why we create or procrastinate. You are definitely one who should keep creating. I hear the heart in what you do.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear more of colored trees.
-kc